Status: It's Complicated

People must have ever been upset of something. Well, in my case, I often upset about how people treat me. I actually don't have such high self-esteem or something like that so I mostly look down upon myself. Thus, if people start to ignore me--or at least I feel like the do--I'll start blaming myself for not being good enough. That actually kills me.

Same thing happened lately when I felt like my best friend--yeah, "best friend" (?) since I actually have some kind of stuff going on--started to ignore me; at least I did feel like that. Since then, I started to question what's wrong with me; was I being too clingy? Even the stupidest questions: maybe I really am not that pretty, aren't I? Was I being a freak? What if he were actually just really busy or he really were not having his phone with him all the time? Yeah, those kind of questions haunted me until at some point I really CRIED because of it. I was questioning myself worth.

One day, one of my friend chatted me out of nowhere asked how I was doing. We talked a bit, have a little chit-chat. He told me this:

Don't ever tell or show anyone that you're upset. Some of them are evil enough (to see you like that).

It actually strike me like: yeah, sure you're right. But I already showed too much. I'm that type who mostly posted about anything on my social media whenever I was upset--with some note that IF I couldn't contain it. I always had the urge to TRY to make people understand that I didn't feel well and why I felt like that.

It came to me that, it's not easy to cope with my own feelings. It drove me crazy at most times. But even if I had this tendency to show my feelings, it wouldn't help myself overcome it because the person--that made me upset--didn't even know that he/she caused me to feel like that. They still didn't know.

Of course it didn't make me think that I should tell them what I honestly feel. It would be some kind of confession--in this case if it were the one I like, confess my feeling toward this certain person.

Still, I kept on thinking about random questions I would ask people if I had the courage, why you guys acted like that to me? Was I that terrible? You didn't even look like you care like you used to do, and it saddened, confused me.

What do you think I should be doing?